1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,172
I'm Max.
I'll be your waitress,

2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:06,640
'cause they don't do
background checks here.

3
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,109
Oh, you'll be our waitress.

4
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,777
I never guessed
that based on the uniform

5
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:13,681
and name tag
that says "Max."

6
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,717
You know i make,
like, $3, right?

7
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,253
I realize that's a lot
of money in the 1920s

8
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:21,755
where you two are from.

9
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,825
Here, open this
and bring us two clean glasses.

10
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,695
Sure, not-so-great gatsby.

11
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,299
Hey, oj and Nicole.

12
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,537
Rude snobs at table ten.
You know what that means.

13
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:39,307
Wine swap?
Let's roll.

14
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:43,377
Hey, Oleg,
i need one of those $2 merlots

15
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:46,547
you get from your cousin
with the hole in his neck.

16
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,848
Caroline, price check.

17
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:52,453
Oh! Chateau pavie, 2008.
Very expensive.

18
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,088
But, hey, we deserve it.

19
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:56,857
Here, better let it breathe.

20
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,327
It was in my gym bag.

21
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:01,829
Not a problem.

22
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,798
This vintage pairs well
with jockstrap.

23
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,568
Do you think waitresses
did this to me when i had money?

24
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,470
Only if you had an attitude.

25
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:12,273
(Both)
So that's a yes.

26
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:14,375
I can't remember
if this reminds me

27
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,845
of an old heist movie i saw
on an old heist

28
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:20,314
i actually participated in.

29
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:24,152
I know.
We're like ocean's 7/11.

30
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,819
All we're missing
is a tiny Asian guy

31
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,588
who can fit into small boxes.

32
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,691
Hello.

33
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,194
Table ten is looking
for their wine.

34
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,863
Oh, not a problem.
Coming right up.

35
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,699
What did you do?
Why is she smiling?

36
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:42,203
Are my pants on fire again?

37
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,438
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

38
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,739
[cash register bell dings]

39
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:49,743
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

40
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,218
[metal clanks, mouse squeaks]

41
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,287
Oh, yeah, take that, sucker!

42
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,497
[Mouse squeaking]
Max, when i said

43
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,356
we need to move the cupcakes,

44
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:05,193
i didn't mean through the air
at a rodent's head.

45
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:08,162
Hey, he ran up the window,

46
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:11,299
so it's kind of
a stand-your-ground situation.

47
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,234
[Metal clanks, mouse squeaks]

48
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,904
Okay, we're on a time-out.
He's eating my ammo.

49
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,906
Max, business is down again,

50
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,817
and the only phrase
I've said more than that is,

51
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,244
"please, god,
take me in my sleep."

52
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,413
I mean, it's clear.
Not getting ahead.

53
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,282
Oh, is that what
your mood is about?

54
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,518
You're not getting any ahead?

55
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,920
'Cause i can take care
of that with one call.

56
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,464
You are not hooking me up
with that guy

57
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:38,526
who's listed in your phone
as "oral redenbacher."

58
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,429
Max, this is our future.

59
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,664
We need to get serious
about making money.

60
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,934
Absolutely.
Let's leave early.

61
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:50,404
Leave early?
Who are we, congress?

62
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,640
Do you think other
business got successful

63
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,807
by leaving early?

64
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,543
No, they did it
by hiring illegals

65
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:59,813
and moving their
bank accounts offshore.

66
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:00,948
We can't leave early.

67
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,916
The sign says
"open till 2:00 A.M."

68
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:07,388
Well, I'm open to getting
a new sign that says "closed."

69
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,299
I mean, are we supposed
to just hang around here

70
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,560
and wait for whatever nut jobs
are trolling around town?

71
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,395
Hi, girls.

72
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:18,466
Guess what Oleg and i
are going to do

73
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:21,435
that will probably
give me hep c.

74
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:24,538
A three way with Tommy Lee?

75
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:28,509
No, silly.
We're getting matching tattoos.

76
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,445
We want something that
represents our relationship.

77
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,947
So maybe two butterflies
doing the nasty

78
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:36,517
during "CSI: Miami."

79
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,686
Wow, you two, his and her tats.

80
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,256
Romantic and will help
identify the bodies.

81
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,958
Sure, you know, matching tattoos

82
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,895
are the deepest expression
of commitment.

83
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,463
Well, matching tattoos

84
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:53,467
and pooping in front
of each other.

85
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,636
I'm not gonna do it
in front of my man.

86
00:03:55,669 --> 00:04:00,608
I poop at McDonald's
'cause I'm a lady.

87
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:03,010
Thanks for the cupcake.

88
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,379
We really have
to start charging her.

89
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:09,016
Charge her with what,
first-degree man-settling?

90
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,585
Max, as i was saying,
it's time to get serious

91
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:12,620
about the business.

92
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,356
Absolutely.
Let's leave early.

93
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,291
What? Last night
after 1:00,

94
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,427
we made only $15, right?

95
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,762
$14.63.

96
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,397
What? Math is
my thing.

97
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,041
Would you roll your eyes
if you were standing

98
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:28,001
across from eminem
and he started rapping?

99
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,771
Uh, yes.

100
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,508
I'd be all, "dude, you're 60.
Sit on a porch swing."

101
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,745
Okay, look, here is $15.

102
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,047
That'll cover
what we'll probably make.

103
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,582
I'm leaving.

104
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,351
You're just gonna leave me here?

105
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,094
Yup, I'm leaving as soon
as i get my change back

106
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,621
from that $14.63.

107
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,658
Fine, just tell me
how much that is.

108
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,693
Or maybe sooner.

109
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,632
This is a very big day for me.

110
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,934
Why, because of this
totally out-of-the-blue order

111
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,070
we got to do cupcakes
for this business seminar?

112
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,839
No, the first time
I've entered a Sheridan

113
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:08,342
through a door.

114
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:11,379
Usually it's by window
or freight elevator.

115
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,814
And one time, i rolled in
under some girl's

116
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,083
quinceañera dress.

117
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,818
The seminar's about to start.

118
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,689
I have unclaimed name tags
for Pamela, Ellen...

119
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,757
What kind of losers
would come to this?

120
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,594
Max, Caroline.

121
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,696
I wouldn't call us losers.

122
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:29,963
Are you here?

123
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,633
Okay, so there
is no cupcake order.

124
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,568
I signed us up for this seminar.

125
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:38,439
I carried cupcakes
on a subway for nothing?

126
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:43,043
The annoying woman next
to me talked the whole time.

127
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:47,147
I was sitting next to you, Max.

128
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,116
Look, i knew you wouldn't
come otherwise,

129
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,051
and you need to be here.

130
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,120
This is a business intervention.

131
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:56,156
It's not an intervention.

132
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,125
Max, your behavior lately
has affected me

133
00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:01,495
in the following ways.

134
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,730
I can't believe this.

135
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,699
At least in my other
interventions i was drunk.

136
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,668
We need to do this seminar.

137
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,169
Gordon kepper is a genius.

138
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,138
He's gonna give our business
a real bump.

139
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,474
Guys giving me a bump
is why they threw me

140
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:16,009
that second intervention.

141
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,445
Let's go.

142
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,547
Oh, mm, okay.
See you.

143
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,148
So this is your new thing, Max?

144
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,583
You're just
gonna walk out on me?

145
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,452
Actually, it's an old thing.

146
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:27,120
In fact, it's kind
of a family tradition.

147
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:30,991
I learned from my father,
whoever he is.

148
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,193
Come on.
It's just two days.

149
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,663
Two days?
No way.

150
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:36,697
No freaking way.

151
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,198
There's a buffet
and a dessert bar.

152
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,767
Ooh, okay.

153
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,936
Wait here, I'll go pay.
I brought some cash.

154
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:45,172
And they'll take an expired
target gift card, right?

155
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,675
Oh, we are not paying.

156
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,743
Here.
Here, Pamela.

157
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,513
Follow Ellen
to the freight elevator.

158
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,648
No way, Max.
We are not sneaking in.

159
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,184
How much
is this thing?
$1,000.

160
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,653
We're sneaking in, Ellen.

161
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,025
Now, you all are here today

162
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,127
not only to find out
what you are as a business

163
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,963
but to find out who you are.

164
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,099
I'm a lady hoping
there's macaroni and cheese

165
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,801
at that buffet.

166
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,969
Who are you is your brand,

167
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,705
and saying that a brand
is simply a name

168
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:21,742
is like saying Abraham Lincoln
is simply a name,

169
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,713
or mahatma Gandhi, god.

170
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,181
Who does this guy think he is?

171
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:31,151
I'm sure you're wondering,
"who does this guy think he is?"

172
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,755
Okay, that was weird.

173
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,725
Or maybe this seems weird.

174
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,928
I've got chills.

175
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,095
When it comes to business,

176
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,697
people come up to me
all the time.

177
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,566
They say,
"Gordon, business is hard,

178
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,701
but i do what i can."

179
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,937
And they shrug.
Now, is that the right attitude?

180
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,840
(All)
No.
Yes.

181
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:56,710
To those people,
i say, "don't do what you can.

182
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:57,945
Can what you do."

183
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,247
Don't do what you can.

184
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,115
Can what you do!
Get it?

185
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,216
Do you get it?

186
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,719
(All)
Yes.
No.

187
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,788
You did not get it.
Shh.

188
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,690
All right, everybody,
reach under your chairs

189
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,867
and pick up what you find there.

190
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,694
Hope it's a way out of here.

191
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:16,964
Koosh balls?

192
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,867
Inside those cans,
you will find the key

193
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,535
to success in your business.

194
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,904
Not unless the key
is Rosie O'Donnell's career

195
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,107
before her buzz cut.

196
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,742
Truth.

197
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,611
That's the big secret
to business.

198
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,680
If people buy
what you're saying,

199
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,882
they will buy
what you're selling.

200
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:38,051
Max, stay alert.
This could go to cult like that.

201
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,220
I like to think of those things
you're holding

202
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,057
as my truth balls.

203
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:51,965
Screw this.
Let's get to the meatballs.

204
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,767
Anytime in the next two days,

205
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,344
one of you is up here
selling you something

206
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,771
that you feel is just bull,

207
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,640
then toss it...

208
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:00,674
Max!

209
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:03,644
I mean, Ellen!

210
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:06,814
Yeah, baby.

211
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,650
That is what I'm talking about.

212
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:10,894
Whoever threw that is not afraid

213
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:11,919
to really go for it,

214
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,687
and that will go a long way

215
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,222
toward success in business.

216
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,658
All right, cool, but it is
a long way to the buffet?

217
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,893
'Cause i am starving.

218
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,230
Okay, everyone.

219
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,332
Consider these small groups
you've broken into

220
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,034
as little think tanks.

221
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,203
I need you to work together
and bring out your very best.

222
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,371
[Snores]

223
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,173
Max!

224
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,174
Don't blame me.

225
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,810
Blame the heavy cream
at the fettuccini bar.

226
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:41,014
Alfredo must be Italian
for "roofie."

227
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,116
So, Ellen,
tell us what you have,

228
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:46,086
and I'll tell you what we think.

229
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,688
Oh, Ellen.
That's you.

230
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,690
Oh, oh, yes, yes, that's me.

231
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,692
I'm Ellen.
Definitely an Ellen.

232
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,360
See, i dance.

233
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:58,866
Okay.

234
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:04,404
Okay.
Okay, now it's weird.

235
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,373
So, Ellen...

236
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,010
Let's hear your b.B.B....

237
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,180
Your brilliant business brand.

238
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,214
Uh...

239
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,215
[Chuckles]

240
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,283
[Stammers]

241
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,086
I-i don't do the talking.
Pamela does the talking.

242
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,287
Pam?
Thanks, Ellen.

243
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:25,058
Hello, everyone,
my name is Pam panning,

244
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,327
and what my partner, Ellen,
was trying to say is,

245
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,297
we making very beautiful
artisan cupcakes.

246
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,265
Yeah, but they're still cool.

247
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,167
I never said they weren't cool.

248
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:36,336
Yeah, mm, maybe they just
didn't sound cool

249
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,873
coming out of your face.

250
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,675
I'm sorry,
but at least actual words

251
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:44,144
are better than,
"uh, uh-uh, uh..."

252
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,013
Ladies, hold.

253
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,414
Sometimes in business

254
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:51,719
parents' ships will sail
in two different directions,

255
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,730
so you two need to find out
if you're gonna continue

256
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,990
to sail apart
or if you're gonna change course

257
00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,994
and reconvene at the port
of mutual understanding.

258
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,230
Well, we can't sail
too far apart

259
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,065
'cause I'm definitely
gonna have to explain

260
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,335
what you just said to her.

261
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,870
I got it.

262
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,273
I'm a boat, and I'm trying
to get away from you.

263
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,276
Sounds right to me.

264
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,377
Think it over.

265
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,813
Talk it over
with your first mate.

266
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,449
[Snickers]

267
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,851
Come back tomorrow

268
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,953
and tell me
who your business is,

269
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,496
and I'll help guide you
toward that purpose.

270
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,390
And remember,
you can't purpose without...

271
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:33,060
Puss.
Okay, wow.

272
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:36,063
Gordon, her boat's kind
of in shallow water right now,

273
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,031
but we're gonna go away,
get it together,

274
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,933
and come back and blow you away.

275
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,069
And you can't spell
"blow you away" without...

276
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,370
Our ship's leaving.

277
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,776
Oh, hello.

278
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,343
Welcome to
the williamsburg diner.

279
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:55,916
Can i get you anything,
like a work ethic?

280
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,418
Han, this is adorable,
but we're busy.

281
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,287
We're pitching
our business brand tomorrow,

282
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,122
and Max and i need to get
on the same page.

283
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,456
Yeah, we don't want to work here

284
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,125
the rest of our lives.

285
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,361
Well, now we're all
on the same page.

286
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,930
Han, just give us ten minutes.

287
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,131
Then we'll get to work.

288
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:12,308
Well, I've waited four years.

289
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,034
What's another ten minutes?

290
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,337
Max, i have to say
i was a little thrown

291
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,072
by that thing you said today.

292
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,974
What, that the best sex
I've ever had

293
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:23,510
was alone
on the tilt-a-whirl?

294
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:26,980
No, why would that throw me?
You say that every day.

295
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,416
No, that thing about me
not sounding cool.

296
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,953
Why would that throw you?
I say it every day.

297
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,288
Yes, but not about the business.

298
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,424
So what was it?
The word "artisan"?

299
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:43,163
Okay, first of all,
it sounds like fart-isan,

300
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,000
as in, "a fart is
in this room right now."

301
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:50,971
Somebody finally
called you out on it, Caroline.

302
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,175
So i was thinking
our slogan could be,

303
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:58,578
"Max's homemade cupcakes.
Sugar and spice."

304
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,314
I'd rather go
with fart-isan.

305
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,315
Really, beavis?

306
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:05,853
What does your business partner
butthead think?

307
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,154
Our business isn't working.

308
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,089
Well, guess who is working.

309
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,024
Me, the damn owner.

310
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,294
Why are you surprised?

311
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,429
You know how many cupcakes
were not selling.

312
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,032
I mean, you're secretly
eating at least six a night

313
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,901
to make me think
we're selling more.

314
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,404
Also 'cause I'm sad.

315
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,841
Look, i know you went
to wharton and all, but...

316
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,442
Wait...

317
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,178
What's happening?

318
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:35,048
Is this a business
intervention on me?

319
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,416
From someone who pronounces

320
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:40,387
the word business "bidness"?

321
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,355
Why are you giving me
the big eye-painting face?

322
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,157
You knew the business
wasn't working.

323
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,259
Well, i don't hear you
coming up with any ideas.

324
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,961
That's 'cause you don't listen.

325
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,572
Remember when i said
we should stop making

326
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,898
all these flowery cupcakes

327
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,308
and just make ones
that say mean things

328
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,035
like "eat it" and "lick me"?

329
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,905
Your big business plan
is cupcakes

330
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,940
that say "eat it" and "lick me"?

331
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,142
And other funny things
like "loser"

332
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,177
or "eat your feelings."

333
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,246
Hmm, why not just shoot people
in the face

334
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,081
when they come to the window?

335
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,050
And i thought the back
of our t-shirt

336
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:14,321
could just say,
"cream filled."

337
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,490
So funny if, like,
a hot girl was wearing it.

338
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,895
And even funnier
if it was a fat guy.

339
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,364
Okay, maybe like Gordon said,

340
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,267
our partner ships are going
in different directions.

341
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,202
My sugar and spice ship
is going one way,

342
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,004
and your mean
and ugly booze cruise

343
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,405
is going another.

344
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,208
So how about tomorrow,
I'll sail my ship,

345
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,544
and you can sail yours, Ellen.

346
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,545
Done.

347
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,381
And, Pam, i know
you think your ship don't sink,

348
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:44,117
but it does.

349
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:52,259
So, Hannah, Todd, go.

350
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,695
Tell us, who is your business?

351
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,299
We make guitar case suitcases.

352
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:04,004
Yeah, they're suitcases
that look like guitar cases

353
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:07,540
so you can look cool
at the airport.

354
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,242
So far, no truth balls.

355
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,578
That means we believe
you're telling some truth

356
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:12,980
of who you are.

357
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,448
Business is always...

358
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:16,583
Okay then.

359
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,118
So what, their big idea

360
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,253
is just throwing your crap
in a guitar case?

361
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,223
Well, it's
no fart-isan cupcake.

362
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,026
Todd, Hannah, did you get
together with our graphic artist

363
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,294
to help create a logo?

364
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,495
Yes, we did.

365
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,098
We stayed up all night,
and to be honest,

366
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:34,567
it got kind of weird.

367
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,169
That's our logo,

368
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:41,108
and our company's called
"I'm with the band."

369
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,312
Back off!

370
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:49,049
She just got out of rehab.

371
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,551
Business is not
for the faint of heart

372
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,621
or coke addicts.

373
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,123
Next up, we've got
Ellen and Pam.

374
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,058
Let's give 'em some love.

375
00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:59,602
Max, you're really not
gonna go up there

376
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,194
and sell your idea
as a business plan.

377
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:04,564
Yup, and i feel
pretty good about it.

378
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,766
Okay, well, then i hope
you enjoy lots of balls

379
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,068
in your face.

380
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,702
If i didn't at burning man,

381
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,572
i doubt i will here.

382
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:13,573
Gordon, hi.

383
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,208
As you predicted,

384
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:16,585
today we'll be presenting
our brands separately.

385
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,779
Okay, looks like
we have us a brand off, folks.

386
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,414
This is exciting.

387
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:26,119
I am feeling it!

388
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,121
Ellen, i know you're not
used to being alone.

389
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,691
Neither was i,
hence wife number three.

390
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,160
Don't rush.

391
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,029
Take some time
to get yourself centered.

392
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,565
Yo, yo, yo!
What's happening, Sheridan!

393
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,766
Ellen in the house.

394
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,235
Let me hear some noise.

395
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,237
Yeah. Oh!
All right, all right.

396
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,773
We got some haters.
That's cool.

397
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,775
Ellen, did you design a logo?

398
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:52,679
Sure did.
Show it, player.

399
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:55,548
George, she's talking to you.

400
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,585
(Gordon)
Oh, good impact.

401
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,387
Boom, cupcake business.

402
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,188
But, um...

403
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,356
Where's the name
of your business.

404
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,658
Oh, i didn't want one.

405
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,395
I just wanted it to be cool.

406
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,498
So let me get this correct.

407
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,666
You want to make t-shirts
for your business

408
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,635
with no business connection.

409
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,137
Okay.

410
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,739
This is your journey,
but it might end here.

411
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,509
No, no, no, see, it's a cupcake,

412
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:28,481
and we sell cupcakes,
so that's the "bidness."

413
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,518
Okay, you know what?
Screw this!

414
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,355
That t-shirt is way cool,
and if you can't see it,

415
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:40,693
this seminar is so not worth
the $1,000 i paid.

416
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,429
Peace out.

417
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:45,365
[Feedback whines]

418
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,536
In business,
we call that a meltdown.

419
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,870
It happens.

420
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,840
So why don't we bring up
Ellen's former partner Pam.

421
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,775
Let's give Pam
a round of applause.

422
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,744
Max, i don't have
to go up there.

423
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,146
Come on, we can just leave.

424
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,413
Oh, look who wants

425
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,549
to pack up
their guitar suitcase and go.

426
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,583
You know what?

427
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,218
I was only leaving
'cause you failed.

428
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,220
I believe in my ideas.

429
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,158
Good afternoon.
Hello, hi.

430
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,326
I represent
Max's homemade cupcakes.

431
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,894
(Gordon)
I'm gonna stop you
right there.

432
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,729
Why Max's cupcakes?

433
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,831
Why not Ellen's or Pam's?

434
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,567
Well, um...

435
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,704
Max was... Max is
this very special person

436
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:27,807
and the inspiration
behind our whole business.

437
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,142
Got it.

438
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:30,353
So Max is
an emotional touchstone

439
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,778
for you and your business.

440
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,613
Yes.

441
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:34,747
Valid.
Go on.

442
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:35,915
Great.

443
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,618
So the logo...

444
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,621
George.

445
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,556
This is our current
company logo,

446
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,325
and i feel it works just fine.

447
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,861
I mean, if it ain't broke,
don't fix it, right?

448
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,231
Okay.

449
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:54,234
Well, the cupcake
shows a mix of sweet imagery

450
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,904
because we're two girls trying
to retro-repurpose the phrase

451
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:01,874
"sugar and spice
and everything nice."

452
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,710
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

453
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,178
Leave Pam alone!

454
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,513
I'm fine, Ellen.

455
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,424
They can't shut me down,
because i believe in us

456
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,750
and our special brand
of artisan cupcakes.

457
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:13,320
Why?

458
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,228
Give me!

459
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:24,964
Eat it, you losers!
Eat it, eat it!

460
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,235
I see the truth balls
have stopped.

461
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:31,738
It looks like "eat it, eat it,
you losers,"

462
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,742
might just be your brand.

463
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:39,412
You two are a combination
of sugar and spice

464
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,548
and things not so nice.

465
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:45,418
Speaking of truth, i need you
to pay Sandra for the seminar.

466
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,387
As much as i admire your pluck,

467
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,224
12 trips to the pasta bar
aren't free.

468
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:52,992
Come on, Pam.
Yeah, let's go, Ellen.

469
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,627
I'm Ellen.

470
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,536
Guess what i have under my coat.

471
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,939
Well, i know
it's not a boob reduction.

472
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,608
What do you think?
Cool, huh?

473
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,843
Aw, man, somebody
already makes that?

474
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,445
Oh, bummer.

475
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:14,814
This is like when i thought
i invented chip-wiches.

476
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,850
Should've known.
I was eating one at the time.

477
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,719
No, Max, this is your shirt.

478
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,588
I got the rendering
from the seminar

479
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:22,455
and had it made it

480
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,924
we can make anything
in under an hour.

481
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,526
You know, that place
under the bridge

482
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,896
near the underage bar
where you got under arrest.

483
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,431
[Gasps]
No way.

484
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,032
Oh, no way.
That's hot.

485
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,034
I know, and a girl at the place

486
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,903
asked me
where she could get one.

487
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,305
Really?

488
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,541
Kind of in love
with myself right now.

489
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,619
Hey, what made you change
your mind about the t-shirts?

490
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,354
Well, one of the things
i learned at wharton

491
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,414
is that success depends
on staying open

492
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,882
to a better idea,
even if it's not yours.

493
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,918
Aw.
And here.

494
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,986
I thought you'd
rather a black one.

495
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,423
On tinder and in life.